I have been really quite in the pf world this week. Honestly, I just haven’t had the motivation to write about anything. I have been feeling rather gloomy and I didn’t want to spread my gloominess to the rest of the world.
I decided to take some time off during the evening and separate myself from the world on Tuesday and Wednesday. Instead of going to work out, talking to family on the phone, worrying about my personal finance, thinking about future school classes, I took a breather and relaxed! I, also, ate tons of chocolate, bacon, biscuits, and cake this week. And I don’t feel bad about it!
Taking some time for yourself is so important and, unfortunately, I am currently FAILING. Here is my confession….
This past year I have failed at relaxing without feeling guilty. Usually when I relaxed, I felt ultra guilty, and ended up not enjoying. I actually felt like this on Sunday during my softball game. While I was playing, I couldn’t wait to leave because I was thinking of everything I had to accomplish. I could be bay sitting or grocery shopping or…..let’s just say the list never ended. There I was, playing under perfectly beautiful weather, and I was anxious about the possibility of maybe baby sitting or going to buy the pan to make Turkey loaf at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. By the way, buying the pan at BBB only took 15 minutes after the game. I have always been the person that takes care of everything for everyone. My parents call me because they need something? There I am figuring it out. My brother needs help with homework during time alone with my husband? There I am helping him with his homework. My mom needs help with work and needs to relax? There I am for an entire week. It’s my duty. Or is it?
I’m tired. Plain out exhausted of taking care of everybody else’s needs before my own and still being called selfish. I admit, I haven’t found the perfect balance between family, friends, husband, work, school, and myself. But I am only 22, and I am allowed to have time to discover myself. After all this is the only time I have for me. The older I get, the more my time will be diverted to grown up things.
I want to relax without feeling guilty.The truth is deep down I am feeling guilty. But I am also really tired. It’s a feeling that I push aside most of the time, but this weekend it slowly crept up to the surface. Which is why I took time to myself this week. It was amazing! I woke up feeling more rested and motivated!
I am going to continue my relaxation tonight and hopefully go back on schedule tomorrow.
Have you taken time to relax lately?